The Continuum Concept (Addison-Westley, 1977)
He awakes in a mindless terror of the silence, the motionlessness. He screams. He’s afire from head to foot with want, with desire, with intolerable impatience. He gasps for breath and screams until his head is filled and throbbing with the sound. He screams until his chest aches, until his throat is sore. He can bear the pain no more and his sobs weaken and subside. He listens. He opens and closes his fists. He rolls his head from side to side. Nothing helps. It is unbearable. He begins to cry again, but it is too much for his strained throat; he soon stops. He waves his hands and kicks his feet. He stops, able to suffer, unable to think, unable to hope. He listens. Then he falls asleep again.
I can’t read the above quote without crying, I could never after reading that let my child cry it out. But what constitutes cry it out? This is a question I have struggled with as a parent because sometimes I let Xander fuss before he falls asleep and that can contain brief amounts of crying ie. under 10 minutes but some parent say this is way to much.
I honestly believe in listening and responding to your baby/childs cries and needs and I could never be a cry it out mother. I really don’t care if it works, I have had those nights when putting Xander in his room and just letting him fall asleep on his own sounded like a good idea. But I can not as a mother believe that ignoring my child’s only method of communication is ok.
And I would like to say that I’m not judgemental of this choice in parenting but I am. Every time I hear of a mother that has let their child cry it out or one who has Ferberized their child my heart just aches.
I watched a video on this very subject over at Momversation this week on to cry it out or not, and Heather one of the bloggers of that blog admited to letting her oldest child cry it out for 14 days my heart just goes out to her and to her child. I am sure she thought she had to do it and that it made things better but I can’t imagine it really did.
Ok now let’s talk about the science of Cry It Out and why so many doctors are starting to see the facts of Attachment Parenting.
Recent studies have been done at the University of Minnesota by Dr. Megan Gunnar about the production of a stress hormone called CORTISOL. If levels of cortisol get too high, the heart rate, digestive system and ability to think are affected. Since the amount of cortisol in the body can be measured in the saliva, many tests have been conducted with children (it is noninvasive) to determine who produces cortisol and when. It was found that the presence of a loving caregiver during a time of stress (shots at the doctor’s office) reduced the production of cortisol. The child may still cry, but the smaller amount of cortisol indicated that the body was not reacting as strongly to the stress. (http://www.educarer.com/brain.htm)
According to Gunnar, the brain is the major target of cortisol. Frequent and prolonged exposure to elevated cortisol may affect the development of brain areas involved in memory, negative emotions, and attention regulation.(http://www.educarer.com/brain.htm)
I have bolded what I believe to be the important parts of this document, it’s a great peice about brain development if you want to read the whole thing. It means that if you are practicing cry it out it will have a long lasting effect on the brain development of your child.
What are the emotional consequences of crying for the infant when she is left unattended? Bowlby and colleagues initiated a series of studies where children between the ages of one and two who had good relationships with their mothers were separated from them and left to cry it out. Results showed a predictable sequence of behaviours: The first phase, labeled “protest”, consists of loud crying and extreme restlessness. The second phase, labeled “despair”, consists of monotonous crying, inactivity, and steady withdrawal. The third phase, labeled “detachment”, consists of a renewed interest in surroundings, albeit a remote, distant kind of interest. Thus, it appears that while leaving babies to cry it out can lead to the eventual dissipation of those cries, it also appears that this occurs due to the gradual development of apathy in the child. The child stops crying because she learns that she can no longer hope for the caregiver to provide comfort, not because her distress has been alleviated. (http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-parenting.html)
I know this is a touchy subject but it is one I feel very passionate about, don’t let other people talk you into letting your baby cry it out. Remember that often what needs to be changed is our attitude about sleep and our expectations for our very small and helpless babies. So think to yourself if it where your mother in there crying or your sister or your husband would you leave them alone to handle it without any love or support or would you go in and let them know everything is ok and you love them?
